Get Comfortable at home with Phone Sex
Phone Sex can feel awkward or intimidating at first, especially if it’s your first time. Here are some tips to make it easier.
Getting consent is key, and that’s not just at the beginning. Be sure to ask your partner how they’re feeling throughout the chat.
Dip into your “fantasy bank” and discuss what turns you on.
1. Get consent
Phone Sex can be a great way to express your sexual fantasies, but it’s important to get consent first. This could mean being frank and transparent about what turns you on, or if you’re more shy, dropping hints and seeing if your partner is into it. It’s also a good idea to set some boundaries, so you’re both clear on how things are going to progress.
Don’t be afraid to be creative, either. For example, if your partner loves role play or group sex, you can suggest that they give you instructions about how they want to be touched. This is a fun and interactive way to add an element of fantasy to the call, and can even help build a dominant/submissive dynamic in the process.
If you’re nervous about being able to convey your desires on the phone, Michels suggests that you think of books, songs, and movies that put you in the mood. She also says that it can be helpful to dip into your “fantasy bank,” describing sexual scenarios that you might not be able to have in real life.
2. Set the mood
Phone sex is all about sharing sexual fantasies, so make sure to let your imagination run wild. This can mean using a low, seductive voice and plenty of breathy sighs and moans. It can also be helpful to use descriptive language that paints a vivid picture—like “I like the feel of my lips on your cock, or when you moan into my mouth.”
Finally, don’t be afraid to get dirty. As long as you’re both comfortable, a little trash talk can be very arousing over the phone.
If you’re not comfortable talking dirty right away, try pregaming your phone sex session by reading erotica or listening to sexy music. You can even get pampered beforehand, with a pedicure, a glass of wine, or a hot bath. It’s also helpful to set the mood by making sure you’re in a private space and free from distractions. And don’t forget to turn off the notifications on your phone! That way, you won’t get interrupted by a work email in the middle of your phone sex session.
3. Start with audio-only
Phone sex is still a sexual activity, so it’s important to start off with your partner’s enthusiastic consent. And while some people enjoy a good erotic conversation over text, audio is a great way to really get into the mood. “It’s super arousing to hear your partner’s voice, and the sound of his or her breathing can be erotic,” says Hakes. You can also turn up the volume of your phone to create an intense listening experience.
Dip into your “fantasy bank”
DeLune recommends getting creative with phone sex by describing things that turn you on but might not be appropriate for real life. For example, you might talk about sex in public, or sex in an unusual setting like a park, library, or airplane bathroom.
And don’t forget to make sure your fave sex toys are charged and ready to go. “Toys can add an extra dimension to the erotic conversation and help increase the likelihood of orgasm,” says Mahalli. It can also be fun to role play or act out fantasies together.
4. Talk dirty
When it comes to phone sex, foreplay is essential. Having candles burning, canceling call waiting, and sexy music playing in the background can help set the mood. But it’s also important to speak in a calm voice and avoid laughing, which can kill the vibe quickly.
Michels suggests focusing on complimenting your partner and describing what turns you on about them. She says that talking about sexual fantasies is another great way to get into the mood. “If they’re not interested in a particular fantasy, don’t shoot them down immediately,” she says. Instead, ask what does turn them on or what else would they like to talk about.
If you’re shy, you can also try pregaming your phone sex session by sending nudes or sexting. But be careful, because explicit photos can be shared and seen by anyone. Also, it’s best to stick with a quick text to see how your partner responds before jumping in headfirst with phone sex. And don’t try to act like your favorite porn star; you want to sound natural, not reciting a script.
5. Have fun
Phone sex can be fun and memorable, even when the two people involved aren’t together IRL. And, as an added bonus, it can also be pretty arousing.
But there are a few things to keep in mind when having phone sex to make sure it’s safe and effective. First, you want to make sure that both people are on the same page about what they’re doing. This means being frank and transparent when broaching the topic, as Lori Michels, an AASECT-certified sex therapist, suggests. This could mean describing something sexual that you’re into, or asking your partner what they’re into, but be careful about asking for anything too explicit.
And be sure to set the mood beforehand by removing distractions, turning off notifications on your phone, and/or using a headset or other hands-free mode. Putting on a bit of lingerie can help, as well as lighting a candle and/or having your favorite sex toys on hand to stimulate your lady bits (and make sure they’re charged). Finally, remember to give plenty of compliments after the call–that way your partner knows that their hard work paid off.
